The two days I die......

September tenth has come and gone
and again I'm reminded of how I went wrong.
Sixteen years and countless tears,
as I watch you grow from afar.
A strong young man with a smile so grand
and a future just waiting to be planned
I rue the things I chose to do
and how I made your mother blue
but what can an estranged father give
to his son to help him live
what gift would mean enough for him to forgive
Photos? Memories? Money or more?
the keys to unlock a sports car door?
A second chance? a fine romance?
A limo and tuxedo for a prom dance?
A dog to be man's best friend?
A family heirloom to cherish until the end?
Or just my time and a few rhymes?
Or authentic sorrow for my crimes?
Or no more than a birthday wish
that we get to chill while we fish?
Son, I know that I am not there
but I see your face everywhere
and I tear my flesh and rend my clothes
and beat myself with remorseful blows
as I miss you more than any and all knows.
The worst is that, as I get through this
tis not the lack of peaceful bliss
but knowledge that as this too shall pass
another day approaches fast
fourteenth of October brings again
the memories and pain of my sin.
And as most celebrate a birthday date
not seeing yall's is my torturous fate.

Lonely house again....

Ode to a Boy's Dog

A friend has left

and gone away

and taken with him

my sunny day.

My boy, Bru;

who has stood by

has run his course

and had to die.

I carried him out

into the yard

and said my goodbyes

oh so hard.

He will missed

there is no doubt

those loving eyes

and cold, wet snout.

I wear his chain

every day

to remind me now

he's gone away.

I hope that he

is up with dad

playing catch

and feeling glad.

And when, like him,

may race is run

I'll join them both

in heavenly fun.

stu pidasso

7August2009

Take a walk on the wild side...

Well, here we go again!! My split with my ex was no fun. Anyone who has been through it can tell you that, even if it is amicable, it is still no fun. It messed with my head for years and still does when I let it. But we move on and we pick up the pieces and try to glue them back together like some damn vase busted at a teen party when the parents are away. And if you look closely enough, no matter how good a job of gluing you do, you can always see the little cracks and flaws.



Well, when I went through my split I gave up some things that I thought helped contribute to the problem. One of those things I gave up, which was a big part of my life for many years, was coaching. I played soccer in high school, after high school, and before I met my future ex. I was persuaded to take up coaching to help young kids with no coach and I liked it. I had a way with kids. I met two great girlfriends through coaching and my ex, too. All three were drawn to the way I was comfortable around the kids.


After the ex left with our kids, coaching lost its appeal. Seeing other families functioning well just was a constant reminder of what I was missing. It made me uncomfortable and depressed. I walked away. After coaching kids soccer and competitive club soccer for the better part of sixteen years, I walked away.



Until last week.



Somewhere after the coaching ended, I started playing rugby again. Something about smashing someone else as hard as I could lended itself to my mental state. I got to be a single, athletic man again ; with athletic friends who liked to run, stay in shape, socialize, drink, cuss and spit tobacco together. I was actually enjoying myself in a group environment again without feeling the depression of having lost my family. It took my mind off the things that troubled me.



Last week, I was chosen to be the head coach of my rugby club. I am not sure how well I will do, but I am looking forward to giving it a go. I have been pouring over rosters and field line-ups and drills and coaching materials for seven days now. I am, as Mama Kat would say, giddy. If I can get the guys who I want to show up for practice, we have a good shot at going far in the league this year. It has been a while since I ran a team, but it feels good to think that I am not only up for it, but wanted for it by the guys I call my teammates.



Plus, I am old and hopefully I won't have to play as much while coaching.

I am a rock!!

I am a rock!
I am born from the cauldron of heat and pressure, both of which I have withstood and vanquished in my prosperity to be here for you.
I am solid. I will not move. I will not wince.

I will not duck for cover or run away at the first sign of trouble.
I do not speak, but if I could it would be to praise you not to chastise you.
I stay my ground so that you may judge your position by where I lay.
I shall not waver even as nature's forces try to push me out of their way or lessen me.
You may take shelter in the lea of me.

You may hold me to anchor yourself to weather any tempest.
You may use me in defence against your enemies.
I am the projectile to slay your Goliath.
You may skip me across pristine lakes for your own amusement (but it would be nice if you would dive for me and bring me back to shore).
You may singe me in your fires and use me to keep warm through the bitterest of cold nights.
You may use me to hold things down where you wish them to stay, so you may come back again later to find them still there.
You may chip and fracture me to use me as a tool, for I am here for you.
I am your rock and for you I will roll, no matter where you wish me to alight.
Yet, if you paint a silly face on me, I will be your pet.
Rest assure that I am your rock and will be until time erodes me away.
With love, your father.

I am sooooo abused.....

If you have been reading this blog in any way, shape or form over the time I've been posting; then you probably know that I miss my kids.

That is, I miss them when they are not here. Now they are here for the summer and I get all the glorious things that go with living with teenagers in my house. Glorious things like not being able to keep groceries in the fridge, having to tell one of them to turn off the computer and go to bed at two in the morning, reminding them that only daddy gets to leave his dirty socks laying around the house, cooking dinner for four and expecting leftovers and then having six teenagers show up for dinner and not getting a meal myself, settling disputes over who is really acting like a turd and so on and on into the foreseeable future. Trying to raise these two is an act of futility on my part. Between work, household chores and juggling the social lives of one dad and two teenagers; this is just plain hectic. My gasoline bill has doubled. My grocery bill has tripled. I have yet to see the water bill but I am dreading it. And the electricity bill....forget about it......a small loan called a second mortgage.

But I love it!!! I actually get to meet their friends. I get to hear about their day and some of the zany things they find amusing. I get to hear someone else compliment my cooking and say thank you when I hand them a warm towel right out of the dryer. I get sent to the store for a trip down aisle eight. My son actually enjoys helping me with yard work (even if I weren't paying him eight dollars an hour) and my daughter is a photo scanning and photo shopping guru. Dang, just watching her swoon over any cute boy who wanders within eyesight is funny. The boy doesn't have girls on the brain yet, but all his buddies do and I imagine it won't be long for him.

This whole on hands parenting thing is what I miss. The last time I was doing this was when they were six and seven. And let me tell you, there is a HUGE difference between six/seven and fifteen/sixteen.

That being said, and tomorrow being the first day of July; I have one month left with my children this summer. Then I have to let them go again. That is the hardest job I've ever had to do. And I am not looking forward to it. Although it is getting easier and easier ever time.

This is why I do not envy "The Baby Mama". See, I have already had to struggle with the absence of my kids, and I am used to it. But she has it coming up by way of the college thing in a few years, and I hope she enjoys every moment of missing them day in and day out.

Anyone else out there already dreading the empty nest syndrome??

Got some time to stroll?

Walk With Me

When the Good Lord made each one of us
He gave each of us our own free will.
I aspire to teach my kids discipline because
it is a valuable attribute which to instill.

I strive not to control or push them
in any manner or direction I want.
Instead I teach them the minimum requiem
so that life, in its craziness, won't daunt.

I illuminate them from whence they came
of their forefathers and their struggles.
How they managed to excel at the game
and avoid some of life's big troubles.

I wish to show them the easier way
to make it from challenge to challenge.
How to manage and plan their day
so they may enjoy a healthy balance.

Most would say that it is our goal
to raise a healthy and wealthy brood,
but I say I aspire to be the best
at showing my kids a good attitude.

I laugh with them every chance I get
and I try to dance whenever I can.
I sing everyday (if you can call it that)
and I smile because life is grand.

But life is not all kicks and grins,
it takes work to make it through.
And each of us must pay for our sins.
We all know this to be true.

So as we walk along our chosen path
in this topsy turvy, crazy theme park.
I hope that both my kids somehow hath
my beacon to help penetrate the dark.

I want them to glance to either side
and see all of their family there;
walking with them, along for the ride
so they don't feel like they must beware.

They must learn and understand each day
that the lessons passed down from the wise
come from travelling with the old and gray
and by sharing with them smiles and cries.

For a time will come when we are gone
and our children will enter the fray
and at that time I hope they are strong,
so to teach their own children the way.

stu pidasso

17June2009

Be sure to check out the plethora of other writers at Mama Kat's Writers' Workshop. There are some really good posts out there waiting to be shared. And for the record, I did not fake my aging mother for cyber sympathy. She is real and she is old and we do love her very much. The above picture is also included in the zoo slide show on my last post over at Mudville Musings. Give it a view if you'd like.......or not......but have a great day and hug your kids.

Roadtrip, Interview, and Family History

I made the trip down to Houston recently to rescue my kids from their imprisonment. I also took my mom along. She wanted to visit her sister, my Aunt Betty. All in all, it was a great trip. We spent quality time with my aunt, visited the Houston Zoo, ate some fine seafood at an established seafood restaurant near the San Jacinto Monument, and got to visit with one of my brothers on both legs of the journey.

While we were there in Deer Park at my aunt's house, I took lots of pictures of the photos and family memorabilia in her house. I also conducted the first (of many.....hopefully) sit down interview with one of the elders of our family. It yielded some surprising results and fun facts that I would never have heard otherwise.

This trip and some of the activities we enjoyed on it, are exactly the kinds of things of which this blog was started for, to highlight and document these things and the people from our past. This journey I am on, helping my mother and trying to ensure that she enjoys as much of her life as she can from here out, took a huge step forward on this last trip. We are already planning the next trip and trying to include more people.

Some of the more interesting facts I learned from the interview include:

My mom's cousin, Al, introduced her to my dad and Aunt Betty to my Uncle Rob.

My mom's dad was the youngest of eleven siblings, nine boys and two girls.

My great grandfather Unger lived to be 101 years old and was THE Paul Bunyan's best friend (and here I thought he and his ox, Blue, were a myth) and he played a mean violin.

Last order of business:

Top photo - my son, Aunt Betty, Mom and my daughter

Second photo - My mom is standing and Betty is to her left, the other two are Aunt Bonnie and Aunt Bea

Third photo - My mom with the baby, Betty on the far left, Aunt Bonnie and Aunt Bea, and Aunt Bridgette is the baby. No idea of the dog's name.....yet.

Fourth photo - me and the kids for fun at a county line next to the Brazos River

Last Photo - Grandma Agnes, Aunt Betty and my cousin Evie