The paths my mind wanders....

I offer to you some random limericks, written for my own enjoyment, but I hope you find them entertaining too. I will preface these by saying that I am completely comfortable with the balance in my brain between my raw sexual appetite and the softer, gentler longing for affection and romance. The two are intertwined and if done right are experienced at the same time with a loving partner in a sharing environment. But my mind jumps around alot and those are not the only things swirling around in that stew pot of mine. So feast on my preaparations and savor every last drop of sustanance that I can convey to you, my hungry readers. As usual, comments and constructive criticism are always welcome. And the winners of the last Caption COntest and the new photo will be offered up tonight.


I endeavor forever to find you.
In each nook I look, as is due.
Like a coon dog on a scent
My tenacity won't repent.
My pod is a pea short and won't do.

Like Icarus I soared thru the sky
In my exuberance at getting to fly
I buzzed the great ball of joy
my wax wings held up like a toy
As I spiral downwards I'm left to ask, "Why?"

Jesus walked for forty nights and days
trying to navigate his own mental haze
Even as Satan did try to detour
twas our Savior he just could not lure
into partaking in his decadent ways.

I won't deny the natural truth
that men are inherently uncouth
we like to burp, fart and fight
and shag day and night
changing us is like pulling your own tooth

I have two chips off the block not just one
A lovely daughter and a handsome young son
My first ex-wife I repeatedly implore
of their time, to relinquish me more
she resists and just twists the blade for fun

My hands get all clammy and cold
Every time I get close I am told
My heart starts to race
at an incredible pace
For me, love just never gets old

From the playground he did abscond
with a redhead, a brunette and a blonde
vigorous lucky young Georgie
had his sights on a four-way orgy
And finished "the tour" like Greg Lemond

beads of sweat tend show up yet
ever shorter as my breath does get
I embrace the quivering flesh
of the woman with whom I mesh
And I find I am not the only one wet.

After her succulent thighs did I sunder
With an Austrailian kiss did I plunder
If you have yet to have one of those
I assure you it will curl your toes
It's just like a French kiss but down under.

Tues....wait....Wednesday Caption Contest

It's Tuesday again!!! Because it is my favorite day, we will run another caption contest. This will be the ninth installment of the Tuesday Caption Contest.

A quick review of the rules.


1. Entries must be posted by Saturday evening, 11:59pm.
2. Entries must be no longer than one sentence if it is a regular caption contest. If it is a mutated caption contest, then I am looking for no more than a thousand words, and poems of any form will get extra consideration.
3. I am the sole judge of who wins each week, but may give special recognition/prizes to unusual entries.
4. One entry per contest per person.
So without any further delay, the new photo is up top. Have fun and good luck.

And the winner is........

I had some really good submitters for last weeks photo (which may have been the best photo so far). It was hard to chose once again, but I must say that it came down to two. Melissa, with her entry "All to protect my nuts"; and J. Cosmo Newbery (check this guys sites out) who wrote "This ain't so bad! You should see the other guy!" (being a rugby player....how true, how true!). But I must go with J. Cosmo (sorry Melissa, but keep playing you got good ones too!!). So J. Cosmo, leave an address in the comments along with three picks for music and I'll get one in the mail to you ASAP. And I know you are in Australia (I think you are anyway). That's cool, I like your rugby teams. Now off to post the new photo.....

Caption Contest Winner news and rugby zulus

The last Caption Contest went pretty well. I had a lot of responses concerning the four interesting photos I threw up for you all to use to give me a new nickname. There was a lot of speculation as to which person I was in two of the photos, and that would make a huge difference as to the nickname with which you adorned me. Having identified myself in each of the four photos, after the deadline for entry submissions, I love the responses to each of the photos. Some of the suggestions were Cuppy, Pidasstrian, Stu-Pid-Ass (twice) and Stewey.


My choice of awarding this weeks prize goes to Drama Mama for her submission of Stewey. I will therefore add Stewey to the long list of other names people have and still do call me. Drama Mama joins, Angie, Wendy, myself and Melissa in the past winners circle. I do want to give an honorable mention to Jennifer P., who coined the name Cupsy for me. Any of you that saw the third photo of me in that post can understand. As unpleasant as it may sound considering, it too would be one that I would wear with pride. I will take into account any input the past winners want to give for future selections of the top honor for any of the future Caption Contests, I know who you are so just leave any suggestions in the comments. I want to thank all who have stopped by to play or even just to give some comment love. Keep coming back and, please, spread the word; the more playing the better. And as a parting gift I give to you a picture of the rugby tradition called "zuluing"! But if Becky's Top Ten List came with a picture of all her top ten choices zuluing, you girls would probably never leave her site!! And I laugh that some of the guys are still wearing their cleats. Drama Mama please leave a list of three CDs and an address to mail one of them. You can leave it in the comments or email it to me, your choice. Look tonight for today's new Caption Contest photo!! God Bless!

Writers Workshop - Glass

I am soooo depressed. I have no idea why, but some days you just get in a funk. Maybe, it is because I feel dirty and used. Maybe because I feel half empty. Maybe it is because people treat me like I am transparent. I dunno. I mean, last night everything was going fine. There were a ton of people here, we were all having a good time. There were drinks everywhere. Wine glasses with merlot, shortballs with scotch straight up, shot glasses with the tequila flowing. Some idiot even pulled a "Flick Nynn" (tequila shot, snort the salt, squeeze lime in eye; WHOOOOOOOOOAA!! BABY!! THOSE BURN!!) The poor fool was hacking salt out of his nasal cavity for an hour and squinting like Popeye for almost as long. The party went on and on into the night. Eventually people started wandering out into the night to head home and Shaggy and Batgirl were doing some late night straightening. Tables got wiped down hastily, food got wrapped and stowed, drinks were poured into the sink and dishes put in the washer. Finally they cleared out up stairs to the Batbed.....and left me all alone down here in the dark. ALONE. FORGOTTEN. A.B.A.N.D.O.N.E.D. it was like they didn't even see me over here in the corner under the lamp that hasn't worked in ...I dunno...how long?! sometimes it is enough to make you contemplate......no, no can't think of that!! Well, I am reaaaaaallly close to the edge here. Screw it, I 'm jumping.


C R A S H!!


ooooooooohhhhhhhh. Sheesh that didn't feel good. Damn carpet!! Well at least they'll have to clean up the mess in the morning.....crap here comes that poodle.


Thanks, Mama Kat, puuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrr! I really like these workshops and some are pretty challenging..


Saturday, I will post about the pictures on the TUESDAY CAPTION CONTEST. Everyone has until Saturday to submit entries. Angie, I still haven't seen where to send this CD. Ask Melissa and Wendy if they like theirs (for references). I did buy two of the new Jack Johnson CD. I listened to mine already and it is on par with his other releases. If I can find one more song of his like "BUBBLE TOES", it will have me dancing on my hardwood floors for long hours into the night. And "MUDFOOTBALL", is still my pick-me-up before rugby games..


Gotta go for now. Have a good day all and God Bless.

Tuesday Caption Contest

As I said in yesterdays post, Shroom is only one of my many nicknames. That is just from one rugby team with which I played for a few years. After spending my time with that group of guys, playing and bleeding, winning and losing, being carried home drunk and carrying other drunks home, how can I shed the moniker which they were kind enough to give me. They are my "brothers", and I will remember each and every one of them for the men and characters they are as I hope they will remember me when we are all old and worn out and sitting around our campfires at the edges of the world spinning our tales about younger days and conquests and such. As much as I might wish for a more attractive or manly nickname, it is not to be; for I AM SHROOM!! Shroomzilla, Shroomeister, Shroom-a-loom, Shroomie, Shroomella de Ville, Shroom the hooker of doom, and the list goes on and on into infinity. Into an infinity for that one clique of friends.

So why and how do we get nicknames?? Are they a label of affection?? Are they tied to some trait that exemplifies us?? Are they the product of a certain isolated memory to help us grasp that one moment for the rest of our lives?? Who can give us a nickname and do we have to wear it like a scarlet letter or is it a badge of courage to be worn like an eagle feather given to a brave Indian warrior??

Let's look at me (as a case study, not an attention whore- which is totally different from an attention craving poodle as poodles are cute and cuddly - not that attention whores can't be cute and cuddly- darn!! I digress). Over my life time (in as best a time line as I can put together) I have been called by the nicknames: Jerry, Jerry Jerry Brown Berry, Cooter, Johnny Meg, Pooky (that is reserved for "She who must not be named"), Captain Controversy, Uncle Stupid, Buddha, Shroom, The Hulk, Tio Stu and Stewart "Stu" Pidasso. Most of these I know the origins for, a few escape my memory at this time (convenient, huh??), but I accept all of them. There are a couple in there which with I have no idea how I got tagged. Again, I digress. The point is are there or should there be rules governing nicknames (what goes into a nickname and who and when do you get them)??

So, this weeks Tuesday Caption Contest involves me and nicknames. For this weeks contest, you get to post your best zinger and/or new nickname for me from ANY of the above pictures or all of them as a collage. I am easy to identify in the top two photos, and the third one shouldn't be too hard; but I will give extra consideration for all who correctly identify me in the bottom photo. I am also allowing ALOT of creative leeway here, so use your best judgement to make me (and everyone else) LMAO!! Good Luck!!

Tuesday Caption Contest

TUESDAY IS MY FAVORITE DAY!!
Today, Tuesday is even more of my favorite than most.
Why??
I hear your plea.
Because nobody, AND I MEAN NOBODY, entered last Tuesdays Caption Contest.
I am at a loss. Really, I never thought that I would find so many people out there on the internet that didn't want to at least TRY to get free music. All you have to do is post a comment, funny or not, to have a chance at winning some great audible swag. So far I have run five, count them, FIVE contests and have only had two winners.
But I will not be discouraged!!
I am adamant in my pursuit of giving away some of the newest releases from YOUR favorite music groups!! I will not rest until I have personnally given each and every one of you a brand new CD!! Think of me as the al-Qaida of Santa Clauses!! I don't care if I have to hide in your bushes and slip it through the mail slot on your front door!! If I have to break your car window at the mall and hide them under your car seats, then I will deliver those new CDs to you!! If I have to surprise you in the park during your daily run and force you to take these CDs at gun point, so be it!! Please, please don't make me get violent in my quest to give away good tunes!!
So how does this make today my more favorite Tuesday than most Tuesdays??
Because I won and am treating myself to........drumroll please.........Gift of Screws by Lindsey Buckingham!!
Now, it is not that I don't like the latest and gretest of all the music being produced these days, but I want to give it away. I know, I know; he is crazy. Yeah, maybe so; but at least I am having fun doing it.
So help me out if you will. Email five friends, any five; hell they can even be your enemies if you would like. Just email them and tell them there is free music here.

Now for todays contest. You know the drill (or maybe you don't), post your best zinger for the photo above in the comments section, think of three CDs you would love to get for FREE, and then hope or pray that I pick your zinger as the winner. Or better yet, don't; because I am really enjoying Mr. Buckingham's latest release right now!!

See you over at Mama Kat's!!

Tuesday Caption Contest

Welcome to another late edition of the Tuesday Caption Contest. Sorry, I have been so busy that I am getting behind on my "to do" list. So first, we will announce the winner of last weeks contest - drum roll please - Wendy of YourScrumhalfConnection was the only entrant (but probably would have won anyway with her quip). If you are looking for something a little more athletic, go check out her blog on rugby, life and the Austin scenes. Wendy gets a new cd and I'll make sure I get it in the mail to her soon (along with all the match pictures from the Austin Valkyries games I have been lucky enough to watch. Melissa at Life with 3 Boys and a Little Lady is still a no show on claiming her cd from the contest a few weeks ago. Melissa, I have a brand new Beck cd waiting for you here. All I need is somewhere to send it. So, having taken care of the house cleaning on that end, I now move on to the new caption. Leave your best zinger in the comments for the picture above (and think of a few wish list notes for some new music in case you win) and I'll judge all entries by next Monday and announce a winner on next Tuesday. Mama Kat is running her weekly writing assignment at Mama's Losing It, so stop by there and have fun with her prompts. I know I will.

Caption Contest

It's Tuesday again!!! Because it is my favorite day, we will run another caption contest. This will be the fourth installment of the Tuesday Caption Contest. I have had very limited success running this so far, mainly because there is limited traffic on my blog to this point. But, by getting out and browsing others' blog sites, I have had a bit more traffic and (say it isn't so) ONE winner for the caption contests so far. Melissa had a delayed entry to the second installment to the contest. As the official winner, she will be receiving her choice of minor prizes, the new Beck cd, Modern Guilt. She won with her entry, "New rules for leap frog." Nice job Melissa, your caption was actually funnier than the picture (and that was hard to do!!).

A quick review of the rules.

1. Entries must be posted by Saturday morning, 12:01am.

2. Entries must be no longer than one sentence if it is a regular caption contest. If it is a mutated caption contest, then I am looking for no more than a thousand words, and poems of any form will get extra consideration.

3. I am the sole judge of who wins each week, but may give special recognition/prizes to unusual entries.

4. One entry per contest per person.

So without any further delay, the new photo is up top. Have fun and good luck. And Melissa, I still need an address to send you the cd. If you have a Hastings or Barnes and Nobles, I could send a gift card. Your choice.

Mutated Caption Contest

That's right kids; Tuesday IS my favorite day. That means Caption Contest time (and the crowd goes wild). This week I am going to try something different. The photo for the contest is from my personal collection. I took this during a road trip in the northern extremity of Texas. My son and I took my mother to the north. We were going to see my sister, but she and my favorite brother-in-law had high-tailed it to Mexico for the week. We found her teenagers hanging out at the house SOLO!! No big dealio though, they are smart good kids who seem to keep their noses clean. The Son had a blast with the cousins, I got some writing done and some photos taken, while Mom got to relax and spend time with the grandkids. Those two cousins were a good influence on The Son, he learned the inner workings of a potato cannon and a hover craft. He is now in full blown engineer mode, downloading stuff to build exciting new toys.

Instead of a caption, per se, I want all entries to be your own written thoughts on this particular photo. I will post mine next Monday and I will award a prize to the author I deem to have the best submission. They say a picture is worth a lot of words, so let's see what some of those words are. Good Luck and enjoy your time composing.

Tuesday Caption Contest

Okay. Last week didn't go so well. I had only one reply and it just said "Hello". Bachelor Paul, by all accounts, won the contest, so I will notify him and send him a prize. This week I submit the picture below.....I know, isn't it awesome........for the caption contest. Give me your best one sentence caption, and I'll announce the winner nexr Monday. And remember kids, Tuesday is my favorite day.