Well, here we go again!! My split with my ex was no fun. Anyone who has been through it can tell you that, even if it is amicable, it is still no fun. It messed with my head for years and still does when I let it. But we move on and we pick up the pieces and try to glue them back together like some damn vase busted at a teen party when the parents are away. And if you look closely enough, no matter how good a job of gluing you do, you can always see the little cracks and flaws.
Well, when I went through my split I gave up some things that I thought helped contribute to the problem. One of those things I gave up, which was a big part of my life for many years, was coaching. I played soccer in high school, after high school, and before I met my future ex. I was persuaded to take up coaching to help young kids with no coach and I liked it. I had a way with kids. I met two great girlfriends through coaching and my ex, too. All three were drawn to the way I was comfortable around the kids.
After the ex left with our kids, coaching lost its appeal. Seeing other families functioning well just was a constant reminder of what I was missing. It made me uncomfortable and depressed. I walked away. After coaching kids soccer and competitive club soccer for the better part of sixteen years, I walked away.
Until last week.
Somewhere after the coaching ended, I started playing rugby again. Something about smashing someone else as hard as I could lended itself to my mental state. I got to be a single, athletic man again ; with athletic friends who liked to run, stay in shape, socialize, drink, cuss and spit tobacco together. I was actually enjoying myself in a group environment again without feeling the depression of having lost my family. It took my mind off the things that troubled me.
Last week, I was chosen to be the head coach of my rugby club. I am not sure how well I will do, but I am looking forward to giving it a go. I have been pouring over rosters and field line-ups and drills and coaching materials for seven days now. I am, as Mama Kat would say, giddy. If I can get the guys who I want to show up for practice, we have a good shot at going far in the league this year. It has been a while since I ran a team, but it feels good to think that I am not only up for it, but wanted for it by the guys I call my teammates.
Plus, I am old and hopefully I won't have to play as much while coaching.
10 months ago