I looked for you all morning....

....but you're just not there.

Every now and then I remember when

those times we shared, we cared, we dared.

And even though you're not here

I see you in my mind so clear.

Most days it brings a smile, some days a big ol' tear.

As this crazy life keeps keeping on

and we all dance to our own song,

I find myself searching this crowded throng

of people for a glimpse of you....

a glimpse of you....

a glimpse of you....

a glimpse of you.

I don't want mounds of silver and gold.

I don't want heaps of treasures untold.

I don't want to drive a big fancy car.

I don't want to travel either near or far.

I don't want to try to hang the moon.

I don't want to be called home too soon.

I don't want to conquer this world.

I just want my little boy and my little girl.

I just want to shake my dad's hand,

hug him tight and say, "I understand."

I just want to share a beer

with my friends who can't be near.

I just want a little more time

to spend with you....

to spend with you....

to spend with you....

to spend with you....

to spend with you....

What I Want

by stu pidasso

1Sept2010

old news posted way late....

So I told you I was behind and that I was working on clearing that all up. So here is the first post of what we did over the course of the summer.

I had both kids for the summer and when my wonderful sister came down for the week, we took a trip to go swimming. Mom, Sis and I along with my two and sister's youngest piled in the car and drove two hours to this great swimming hole in the middle of nowhere.

We had a great time as the three kids swam to their hearts content. The swimming hole is a natural spring fed facility, a cool 68 degrees all year long. It is full of fish, which the nephew was catching with his bare hands, turtles the size of a hubcap (a large one at that). The pool also sported a high diving board and over two hundred yards of length. It is nestled in the foothills of the Fort Davis Mountains and a stone's throw away from the boy scout ranch where I grew up. Having lost my two best friends this summer and my lovely daughter being around for it, we carved their names in the bottom of the pool. It took us the better part of an hour to dive, carve, surface for air, repeat as required. Jerry Rheinlander and Brutus.....R.I.P. boys, you are missed.

I hope you enjoy the pictures as well as the music that accompanies them, as the song is what we did while there for the day.

Was having a rough day and tried to put into words...

Today, please bring tomorrow

The sprinkler is weeping in front of my house, tears falling on the face of the lawn.

The grass is missing those little footsteps, now that my children are gone.

Yes, the sprinkler weeps underneath the old elm tree, casting shadows from above.

The playground toys are rusted and falling apart, time eroding them away like my love.

Blowing wind sounds like crying as it shakes the leaves off of the trees.

Shutters slam and thrash about, it's enough to knock you down to your knees.

Yes, the howling wind cries their names, across these wind swept plains.

It's ripping all that's wholesome away from here, like these nagging pains.

No kids swinging on that old tire, no innocent laughing in the wind.

No giggles to lift my spirits higher, feels like I've got no friends.

No piggyback rides, no slip and slides, no leap frog again and again.

No hide and seek, no "Don't you peek." No way to make amends.

Dark clouds cover the sun from shining down around here, a dark mood prevails.

Cold wind blows, chills to the toes, revealing my pain and all it entails.

Yes, blue northern raging quietly down, blanketing with cold this whole town.

Driving all the warmth we need away, just leaving me to frown.

The flower beds are bare and empty, no beauty to be seen there.

The ground is hard and weed strewn, from lack of loving care.

Yes, the garden is sad and fruitless, not a thing there to be found.

Without love to help it produce, it sits just like barren ground.

No kids swinging on that old tire, no innocent laughing in the wind.

No giggles to lift my spirits higher, feels like I've got no friends.

No piggyback rides, no slip and slides, no leap frog again and again.

No hide and seek, no "Don't you peek!" No way to make amends.

But spring is here again, mockingbird sings from the budding tree.

His sweet melody floods this yard, brings a slight smile to me.

Yes, the dawn of a new season comes, let God's creatures roam.

Bringing me sweet hope again, that my kids might still come home.

Grand kids swinging on that old tire, innocent laughing fills the wind

Giggles lift my spirits higher, I'm surrounded by my kin.

Piggyback rides, slip and slides, leap frog again and again.

Hide and seek, "No, I won't peek." I've been forgiven for my sins.

by stu pidasso

9October2009

Take a walk on the wild side...

Well, here we go again!! My split with my ex was no fun. Anyone who has been through it can tell you that, even if it is amicable, it is still no fun. It messed with my head for years and still does when I let it. But we move on and we pick up the pieces and try to glue them back together like some damn vase busted at a teen party when the parents are away. And if you look closely enough, no matter how good a job of gluing you do, you can always see the little cracks and flaws.



Well, when I went through my split I gave up some things that I thought helped contribute to the problem. One of those things I gave up, which was a big part of my life for many years, was coaching. I played soccer in high school, after high school, and before I met my future ex. I was persuaded to take up coaching to help young kids with no coach and I liked it. I had a way with kids. I met two great girlfriends through coaching and my ex, too. All three were drawn to the way I was comfortable around the kids.


After the ex left with our kids, coaching lost its appeal. Seeing other families functioning well just was a constant reminder of what I was missing. It made me uncomfortable and depressed. I walked away. After coaching kids soccer and competitive club soccer for the better part of sixteen years, I walked away.



Until last week.



Somewhere after the coaching ended, I started playing rugby again. Something about smashing someone else as hard as I could lended itself to my mental state. I got to be a single, athletic man again ; with athletic friends who liked to run, stay in shape, socialize, drink, cuss and spit tobacco together. I was actually enjoying myself in a group environment again without feeling the depression of having lost my family. It took my mind off the things that troubled me.



Last week, I was chosen to be the head coach of my rugby club. I am not sure how well I will do, but I am looking forward to giving it a go. I have been pouring over rosters and field line-ups and drills and coaching materials for seven days now. I am, as Mama Kat would say, giddy. If I can get the guys who I want to show up for practice, we have a good shot at going far in the league this year. It has been a while since I ran a team, but it feels good to think that I am not only up for it, but wanted for it by the guys I call my teammates.



Plus, I am old and hopefully I won't have to play as much while coaching.

I am sooooo abused.....

If you have been reading this blog in any way, shape or form over the time I've been posting; then you probably know that I miss my kids.

That is, I miss them when they are not here. Now they are here for the summer and I get all the glorious things that go with living with teenagers in my house. Glorious things like not being able to keep groceries in the fridge, having to tell one of them to turn off the computer and go to bed at two in the morning, reminding them that only daddy gets to leave his dirty socks laying around the house, cooking dinner for four and expecting leftovers and then having six teenagers show up for dinner and not getting a meal myself, settling disputes over who is really acting like a turd and so on and on into the foreseeable future. Trying to raise these two is an act of futility on my part. Between work, household chores and juggling the social lives of one dad and two teenagers; this is just plain hectic. My gasoline bill has doubled. My grocery bill has tripled. I have yet to see the water bill but I am dreading it. And the electricity bill....forget about it......a small loan called a second mortgage.

But I love it!!! I actually get to meet their friends. I get to hear about their day and some of the zany things they find amusing. I get to hear someone else compliment my cooking and say thank you when I hand them a warm towel right out of the dryer. I get sent to the store for a trip down aisle eight. My son actually enjoys helping me with yard work (even if I weren't paying him eight dollars an hour) and my daughter is a photo scanning and photo shopping guru. Dang, just watching her swoon over any cute boy who wanders within eyesight is funny. The boy doesn't have girls on the brain yet, but all his buddies do and I imagine it won't be long for him.

This whole on hands parenting thing is what I miss. The last time I was doing this was when they were six and seven. And let me tell you, there is a HUGE difference between six/seven and fifteen/sixteen.

That being said, and tomorrow being the first day of July; I have one month left with my children this summer. Then I have to let them go again. That is the hardest job I've ever had to do. And I am not looking forward to it. Although it is getting easier and easier ever time.

This is why I do not envy "The Baby Mama". See, I have already had to struggle with the absence of my kids, and I am used to it. But she has it coming up by way of the college thing in a few years, and I hope she enjoys every moment of missing them day in and day out.

Anyone else out there already dreading the empty nest syndrome??

Got some time to stroll?

Walk With Me

When the Good Lord made each one of us
He gave each of us our own free will.
I aspire to teach my kids discipline because
it is a valuable attribute which to instill.

I strive not to control or push them
in any manner or direction I want.
Instead I teach them the minimum requiem
so that life, in its craziness, won't daunt.

I illuminate them from whence they came
of their forefathers and their struggles.
How they managed to excel at the game
and avoid some of life's big troubles.

I wish to show them the easier way
to make it from challenge to challenge.
How to manage and plan their day
so they may enjoy a healthy balance.

Most would say that it is our goal
to raise a healthy and wealthy brood,
but I say I aspire to be the best
at showing my kids a good attitude.

I laugh with them every chance I get
and I try to dance whenever I can.
I sing everyday (if you can call it that)
and I smile because life is grand.

But life is not all kicks and grins,
it takes work to make it through.
And each of us must pay for our sins.
We all know this to be true.

So as we walk along our chosen path
in this topsy turvy, crazy theme park.
I hope that both my kids somehow hath
my beacon to help penetrate the dark.

I want them to glance to either side
and see all of their family there;
walking with them, along for the ride
so they don't feel like they must beware.

They must learn and understand each day
that the lessons passed down from the wise
come from travelling with the old and gray
and by sharing with them smiles and cries.

For a time will come when we are gone
and our children will enter the fray
and at that time I hope they are strong,
so to teach their own children the way.

stu pidasso

17June2009

Be sure to check out the plethora of other writers at Mama Kat's Writers' Workshop. There are some really good posts out there waiting to be shared. And for the record, I did not fake my aging mother for cyber sympathy. She is real and she is old and we do love her very much. The above picture is also included in the zoo slide show on my last post over at Mudville Musings. Give it a view if you'd like.......or not......but have a great day and hug your kids.

Wordful Wednesdays???

I was blogging recently about my incredibly gifted sister. I was trying to describe a gift she gave me last year for Xmas. It was a frame with three photos (see above). My son on top, I in the middle and my daughter on the bottom. She took all three photos in such a similar looking pose and quite sneakily I might add. When put together as they have been, the genetics just jump right off the page at you. It has been my favorite gift in recent memory. It and she and her family mean the world to me. I miss you sis!! Hugs and kisses to you and your men (husband and two sons)!! I am currently doing a similar set up, but with my mother, sister, daughter and an old photo of my mom's mom (the pose is sooooo close to being the same). I'll post it to show how it went later. And sorry about the flash glare, best I could do during lunch and with little time.